Ephesians

hm…

For Module 8 in our training, one of my assignments was to go through portions of Ephesians.  To be more exact, study 6 sections of the book.  The assignment was in responds to reading “Christ-Centered Bible Study and Hearing the Music of the Gospel in Ephesians.”  The reading spoke on how we should be looking at the Bible.  Most of the time, I think I look at the Bible to teach me how I should live and how I should be.  In the reading, it talked about how we ought to study the Bible so that we realize how sinful we are and how glorious God’s saving grace is.  Although it’s such a simple form of study, it’s helped me a lot in studying the Bible and really being impacted by it.  It helps me to see how we I ought to give glory to God through the things I’m learning in His Word.

module 7

hm…

Paul said to “follow me as I follow Christ” and when I think about asking a student to follow me as I follow Christ, I ….

focus on making sure they know the Gospel.  It’s very important to let the student know that they are following Christ, not me.  I’m only there to help them make the decisions.  At the same time, if the student were to follow me, we’d have same goal in mind, to follow Jesus.

Leadership is ….

a very humbling experience.  You learn how to lead others as you’re submitting yourself to God.  As you lead others, you have to learn to become selfless to fulfill the desires of God and what is best for His people.  Because leadership is like being a servant to God, we have to continue to be refreshed by the Spirit and His Word.  Or we end up getting burned out.  Leadership is also a humbling experience because you are at the front of the crowd where people will see you.  However, our role isn’t to just lead others and receive all the glory ourselves.  Our role is to lead others to Christ and for Christ to be glorified.

hm…i’m not sure if i like these answers much…maybe i’ll come back and answer them more later.

module 6

hm…

So training has begun for us staff and we’re starting with module 6.  There is a lot to do for each module, so I’m really going to have to pace myself.

Well, I’ll be writing about module 6 here.

I think one of the main things I’ve realized was the difference approaches in evangelism.  There’s the body mode, natural mode, and the ministry mode.

The body mode refers to the body of believers who friends a non-believer.  The non-believer is able to Christ through our fellowship and hopefully comes to know Christ as well.
The natural mode is where a person begins a natural relationship with someone.  It begins by building up a relationship which leads to sharing the Gospel.  This is kind of hard for me because I have never really been a relational person, but I’m working on it right now.  It’s pretty cool how people want to have a relationship with you.
The ministry mode is where the ministry targets a group of people to reach out to.  It can be done in different ways.  One way is by bringing awareness about Christ in innovative ways.  The other is by initiative evangelism.

I just thought these three were very vital especially being a missionary.  There is no one way that is correct when sharing the Gospel, but using the right approach that’ll best get the Gospel out will help greatly.

God, help me to grow in each of the different modes.  I especially want to grow in natural mode.

summer is full of…

hm…

so summer has been very unusual and different this year. (in a good way)
been building lots of partnership with people in preparation for my Epic Internship.
crazy that i’m actually doing this.  what do i have that God would use me for this position….
at times, i even wonder if i’m even fit for this. God, it’s going have to be your Spirit working through me.

i’ve been forgetting a lots of things over the summer.  i don’t like it at all.  i feel like i’m not thinking straight.
i’ve been clumsy in lots of ways too, which is totally unlike me.  i guess in a way it’s good.  it’s showing that i’m not relaxed and not too careful of things.  just being loose.

man, i hope what i’m writing even makes sense.  my train of thought has like turned off or something this summer.  it’s probably because i’ve been repeating the same thing over and over to at lease 80 throughout the summer.  it is, however, really helping me see my vision and what i desire to do for the rest of my life.  God, i really do hope my plans will come about. i do believe that they are according to Your will.

i really can’t think right now. hahaha. i’m not sure why i’m writing this right now, nor why i’m even writing this at all.  oh well. maybe it’ll explain to me later what kind of state i was in while ministry partner developing…hahahaha

God, You are too precious.  You are too good.  You bring joy in my life.  I love You

anxiety vs sovereignty

hm…

Anxiety takes over my mind, but God in His sovereignty has all of me.

so i realized that my prayer life has been lacking these days and i blaim it on anxiety.  it’s been about a year and a half that i had major anxiety issues and i’ve been fighting it for little over a year now.  a year and about 3 months to be more exact.  You’ve brought me a long way from it and with counciling and a product called Rescue from Whole food, i’ve been able to battle it out with much calmer results.  the thing is, i have to focus so much of my thought on battling anxiety that it keeps me away from being intimate with God.  most of the time i spend in a day, i try to stay calm and keep my mind clear that i have not been inviting the Spirit the way i should be.  it’s very hard to focus my life with God when i’m focusing my life on not being anxious.

i’m battling so that my legs and arms don’t get exhausted and tired from basically becoming ADHD, so that my jaw don’t clinch so that by the time i realize i’m doing this my teeth is in excrutiating pain, and battling so that my mind does not believe in lies that satan is attacking me with.  i’m battling so that i can love the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength.

God, thank You for allowing me to have a place to write my thoughts and prayers.  i sense that You’ve provided this for me so that i’m not trapped in my thoughts believing in lies.

You have all things in control. You are a sovereign God. You rule over all. Nothing is greater than You. The wisdom i have is nothing compared to Your greatness. You are God.

conversion

hm…

well, this post is in respond to anger. MAJOR CHoKE anger.

i used to rely on weather.com because it was simply the weather dot com and i didn’t need search for the truth in it before.  i used to just simply believe in it by faith. but now???? heck nooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i’m converting to accuweather.com. that’s where all da foshizzle at.  Accuweather does not lie. it tell da truth and nothing but the truth.  it brings down weather.com to the lowest of the lowest.  Accuweather speaks truth.

so i was planning to go to the beach for about two weeks and it said that there’s going to be thunderstorm on weather.com so i decided to cancel the trip and hang with friends in town.  i go look back and weather.com say it’s not raining while i was going to be there.  Accuweather say more accurately that i not raining til the time i’m leaving from the beach. oh geez.  very frustrated  and angered by this.  God!!! WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this is so dumb, but i’m having major fit with Him right now. i really wanted to go on this trip.

seeing my reaction is kine funny too in a way. oh boy. never been so desperate about goin to a trip.

emotions

hm…

turns out that the ministry partnership developement brings lots of different emotions with it.

in a day, i have average of about 3 types of emotion.  those that are good, those that are bad, and those that i cannot feel.

i am in need of physical, mental, and spiritual strength.

who or what do i seek in these times? is it You God? is it in the rubbish things that the world has to offer? is the my sexual desires that some may even call pervert if they didn’t know me?

Holy Spirit, i know You dwell in me. I know You fill me.

please give me strength to deal with emotions. emotions that lead me to anxiety.

God, You are a Sovereign God.  Everything is done according to Your will. You plans exceed all of humanity. Your schedule and timing is beyond our accuracy.

You are God!!!!!!!!!!!!

been a while/reflections of the recents

hm…

God, You are amazing.  I’m not exactly sure at the moment but this is what i sense all over me.

it’s 3:30am, but deep thoughts tend to come to mind for me during these late nights.  not a good habit, but the thoughts are something to be treasured.

it’s been a rough, very rough summer so far.  preparing for Epic internship has been lot harder than i imagined and is getting harder by the moment.  to be honest, i don’t think i could’ve made it this far if it wasn’t for God’s Spirit leading me and guiding me and encouraging me moment by moment.  so far, i’ve faced stress, anxiety, angry, frustration, loneliness, etc., but each time, God has continiously reminded me that He is in control, He is God of Peace, God of order, Omnipotent One, Magnificent, Sovereign, and so much more.  This is seriously requiring a lot more trust in God than i ever imagined.  God, thank You for allowing me to trust in You.  I’m not sure where i’d be w/o Your guidance.  It’s amazing how much i felt satan attacking me in very different and many ways.  one of them has been and still continues to be my anxiety issues.  the counselor i went to says it’s a biological thing, and i do believe it, cause my mom is similar as well.  However, w/ the Spirit’s guidance and through the help of the couselor, i am able to manage my anxiety in a whole new level.  this feeling of anxiousness will never end for me while i’m in this world, but i trust in God through the abilities He’s given me to overcome this uncleaness that i can crust satan in the name of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

loneliness has also kicked in many times throughout the summer.  preparing for the internship for about 8 hours a day has left me almost no time to be with friends.  i have been constantly meeting people throughout the week, at least 10 people per week, but that does no justice being able to hang out and chillx with friends.  when i meet with people, it’s still work that i have to do.  i’ve repeated the same vision, same mission, same presentation evertime, 60times so far, and i have to constantly remind myself to really share this from my heart and not out of presentation or having been used to saying the same thing over and over again.  imagine yourself repeating the same thing 3 times a day three days a week. When loneliness kicks in, i’ve managed it pretty wisely so far, but the past week, my battle with satan turn out to be not so great.  although the lost lasted for two days, God picked me right back up by His grace and aligned me back to the front of the battle where i am not only defending myself, but attacking the enemy as well.  rebuking satan has been a joyful part of my life for the past few days.   God, i just want to thank You for lifting me when i fall and strengthening me when i’m weak.  Your greatness continues to be evident in my life.

it’s been a year since i set foot on the rocky island known as Hawai’i. or more like year and a day now…i guess…n e ways…in the beginning, i thought i was going through post project depression alone, but as i got to talk to my fellow bros and sistas on the trip, i realized many of us are going through similar thing.  it’s really strange thinking that i’m not in Hawai’i or any other project this summer.  i feel like i’m suppose to be, but i’m here building partnerships with people.  i’ve been listening to lots of Gordon’s tracks and it making me want to know this brotha more.  i sense the temptation to always call him everytime i listen.  now that ray’s graudated as well, i try talking, but he seems to be very busy with his photos. darn you pictures hahaha. all g.  and then there’s priscilla’s entry right here on wordpress that i just read.  i ended up looking at the lei that a member at City Church of Honolulu gave us.  this girl gets me doing things i don’t think i would normally be doing.  one huge thing is that after being basically emotionally dead for the past like 22 or 23 years, i’m learning to understand how emotions can be a good thing. and by talking with her and sending video messages and what not, i’m always encouraged by her to have feeling and to express them out.  (on the side note, i would also like to learn to laugh with others…i just don’t find things funny…God help me to laugh)

anyways, i think i’ll try to sleep, cuz it’s 3:55 am right now. darn the Chai Tea Latte. Chai Tea Latte has damned me from sleep. oh gosh.

i’m DONE

hm…

I’m DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

after 17 years of being a student, i am DONE.

i don’t feel any freer though since i have to do MPD now.

God, how can i ever trust You to a greater extent? How much more will i be able to trust You? How far will my abilities to trust you be stretched? I trust in all You do.

places in HI

hm…

so i thought i’d put few of the places i went to in HI just incase i forget

Training center

• Kamakakuolani center

Beach

• Wikiki beach
  • Ala moana beach

Waimea Bay Cliff Diving @ North Shore

Kailua beach – outreach

Shark’s cove – cave diving

Sandy beach – crazy waves

Sherwoods (waimanalo bay) – good body board

Malaekahana – city church

Pali Lookout – mountain with strong wind

Aloha Stadium – swap meet

Haupia (Kind of a Creamy/Jello-y Coconut dessert thing

and oh yea, God, i’m really learning to enjoy life.  thanks for revealing it to me in HI

“Life is so much easier when we trust God, but it’s so hard”

thank you for the peace in my heart and mind